The conversation came up recently about who is/was most influential in your life. Most people probably answer a family member or someone they know who went through a hard time. Some people will mention a role model, a writer, athlete or celebrity. I used to say it was a high school teacher of mine – she’s still very much apart of whom I am now – I also used to say my mother. But now it’s an old boss of mine.
The woman was a bitch. Cold. Dominating. Made you feel like you were nothing, just an insignificant robot used for her direct benefit. She influenced me academically and in my career in many ways. But her biggest influence for me was her wise words even though she was a horrid person. Several of my posts so far have mentioned things she has told me. From lessons of self acceptance to accepting what the universe leads you to and being authentic to who you are and not giving a fuck about bending to everyone’s desires.
With time away from her and closer to developing myself, it became harder and harder to hate her. Yes she screwed me in many ways, but I would not be the confident, kindness advocate that I am now without her. I wouldn’t be me without her bitterness and inspiration. They say love is in unexpected places, this remains true. There is light in the darkest of places…
I wouldn’t say I’m at a point of forgiveness just yet, I’m working on it. Nor could I directly say “thank you” to her yet, but I am thankful for the lessons.
Thank you to the honourable mentions (only a select few, there are many, many, many, many more in my life, but each of your deserve so much more than a single mention here).
To the one who inspired me to start writing again as adult, I don’t think you have any idea who you are or what you have done for me. But you gave me that little push to do what I had been dreaming of doing. These words seem so insignificant as my feelings towards you run deep, but I am truly grateful for you coming into my life. Fueling my passion and continuing to feed it.
To the loves of my life – and yes there have been a few of you. Thank you for telling me no – for pushing me to my breaking point, teaching me more about myself, life and love than I could ever discover on my own. Thank you for the pain and heartbreak, for the laughter and the love, for the company and the alone times.
Photo by Ian Schneider on Unsplash