I don’t know how to handle disappointment. Failure is one of my biggest fears. Putting in effort, doing something I’m proud of and to not have it accepted or well received makes me feel useless. I’m not quite sure why I feel this way. History perhaps has taught me that I must get good grades, be popular, and make lots of money to be considered successful. Perhaps my family emphasized the wrong things; perhaps it was my school culture. Or maybe all our personality and quirks come from our DNA. If that’s the case, it makes it seem like it cannot be fixed; therefore I’m doomed to live this way. I’m a fixer; I’m a problem solver. I like to keep things the status quo, smooth sailing, everyone happy.
Maybe we need to be allowed to be broken.
Maybe acceptance is the key.
But if we accept everything, and accommodate for everyone, doesn’t that create a false sense of security that everything will always be okay? That everyone will love us no matter who we are, what we struggle with? We must know this is not possible or true. It is statistically impossible to please everyone or to keep things even keel.
I know this. And yet I cannot calm my mind when disappointed or failure occurs (especially if it’s just me who perceives it as so).
Am I at a growing spot in my journey where perceptions conflict? Or do I need to find balance? Perhaps I just need to accept failure within myself.