A Blessing and A Curse

I overthink.

It’s that simple. I overthink pretty much anything and everything. It’s a blessing and a curse. It is likely I have ruined many great chances and relationships because of overthinking. It’s hard for me to turn off. I cannot help but to automatically read into most occurrences in my life.

School has trained me to be a critical thinker, it’s my innate go to and even my career has the word “analysis” in it. How can I not overthink? Perhaps it comes from school teaching critical thinking, or the job I’m in, but perhaps it serves as a protective tool. I overthink in attempt to predict, put up walls and protect my heart from being hurt.

But my overthinking has become a problem. With it often comes my anxiety cloud. And the two work together to take over who I am and my happiness.

What I have found to be useful at times is mindfulness. When I really cannot get my brain to relax I stop and take a moment. I take in what is around me, I stand in the present. I focus on how my feet feel touching the ground, what sounds I can hear, what smells are in the air.

In the past, my overthinking created many problems that didn’t even exist. I had one person offer great advice; to focus on what actually is occurring. What evidence there was to my feelings. For example: if I thought everyone in the room thought I was a bitch – I would think about what has happened to prove that it was true. And most often times, there was no hard evidence to support it.

Overthinking can be a great tool, it can help weed out the liars and unnecessary people in your life. It can end relationships that are no longer needed, it can be a sign of great intelligence and useful for personal development. But it can also be a very cruel and lonely trait to have. I find people don’t understand how hard it is to turn off. I can’t just “not care”. While I may be working on how to fine tune my overthinking, patience from others is also warranted.